


December drive

by sinisterkid92



Category: Timeless (TV 2016)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, romantic and platonic at the same time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-03 01:42:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15808770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinisterkid92/pseuds/sinisterkid92
Summary: They go out for a drive on Christmas Eve.Based on a dialogue prompt "Do you ever think we should just stop doing this?"





	December drive

It was December, there were fairy lights on the houses. Despite the danger of it, they went out for a drive. In the months since Rufus’ death and the subsequent saving him, the two of them had grown closer. There seemed to be a theme in the universe, that they were destined to watch everyone get their loved ones back but them.

Of course, she knew it was unfair to feel jealous of Rufus and Jiya, because his laugh thawed even the coldest places inside of her. Still, at night she could feel it simmering inside her, not anger at them but at the universe. It kept on doling out, kept on kicking her when she was down. 

Maybe Denise had noticed it, the way the two of them had retreated. Noticed how few and far between the smiling and laughing had become. Even though Rufus was back it was difficult not to mourn his death still. Those were the kind of effects of time travel which were hard to talk about, the remnant of emotions from a timeline which isn’t yours anymore. He lived but he also died, leaving a hole that was unsatisfied even when they rescued him.

That settled a fear inside them, inside her. That nothing they did would ever fix anything, not for them. They would save the world, save the people Rittenhouse meant to harm. They could even save their family, bring Lorena, Iris, and Amy back to life. It still wouldn’t make them feel whole again. All the holes that had been punched into their souls, all the beatings they’ve taken, they couldn’t be undone. If they were lucky those memories would be erased from their minds, a miracle, but she held no hope for it. 

It was why she couldn’t forgive Wyatt, no matter how deep inside her she searched. It wasn’t just how he left her, without a word, it wasn’t just that he moved on and was blinded by his love for Jessica. No, those things she had forgiven him for a long time ago. What hurt the most was how he tried to hold onto her as he moved on, that he wouldn’t let her do the same. That he left her out to dry in the rain and expected her to stay there. That still got her angry when she stumbled upon it. It was a feeling she did her best to tuck away, it did no good to harbour resentments. They would move on from it, as friends, but in the back of her mind the trust had been shattered. 

The one person she could trust completely, could lean on, was the one driving the car through the suburbs to Oakland. It still struck her as odd, despite them being allies for far longer than they had ever been enemies, how they got to this place. Once upon a time, he was the terrorist who for some reason she couldn’t figure out had a fixation on her. Now, he sat in silence as they drove through a neighborhood where people who had no idea about this war going on lived and celebrated Christmas. It was Christmas Eve. 

She imagined the children inside the houses, now most of them were probably in bed unable to sleep as they anticipated the presents in the morning. She thought of Iris, she would have been 9 years old and that broke her even more. Even if Iris came back Flynn would have lost almost 5 years of his daughter’s life, nearly half of it. She ached, her whole being ached at the thought of his little girl. He’d shown her pictures of them. No wonder he became so broken, she thought, no wonder he tried to turn off his humanity. It was too much, and it was all the time never ending. 

Together though, somehow they’d managed to find a way to live with the pain. Start living, start healing. She had no idea what it was like to lose a wife and a child, she knew how it was like to lose though. She could offer him that, an understanding of loss, understanding of the jealousy, the anger, the darkness their souls would fall to at night. It was made easier together. She could sleep with his solid body next to hers, as he could sleep with hers next to him. It kept the nightmares at bay most nights, and when they did visit there was someone there to catch them. 

"Do you ever think we should just stop doing this?" she asked him as they pulled into a McDonald’s parking lot, not wanting to turn back just yet but not being able to continue down the street. Maybe, he had the same thoughts she had, remembering Iris and Lorena at Christmas too many years ago. 

”Stop fighting Rittenhouse?” he asked, he looked at her but she couldn’t read the emotions on his face. He was thinking, cogwheels turning, but for what she couldn’t tell. It unsettled her, that was one thing that she liked about being with him. She knew where she had him, what he was thinking. 

“We’re not winning.” As she started to speak she felt the tears in her throat, she hadn’t expected to feel this emotion but she was tired. Exhausted. Completely drained and broken. ”I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this…” she wiped a tear that escaped, trying but failing to be composed. ”Everyone is getting their loved ones back, everyone gets to have their family, but we just keep on losing.” 

”Maybe one day-” he started, but she interrupted him.

”Amy is not coming back.” She’d looked into her mother and Henry’s past, and sure enough they had been steered in completely different directions long before Lucy was even conceived. There were little things with her grandparents too, things that didn’t match up. Things that Lucy had no idea how to undo. “My mom is dead.” There was no need to mention that this wasn’t something they wanted changed. 

He drummed the steering wheel in deep thought, his jaw flexing. “All of this… I started this for my family.” 

“I’m not saying we should stop,” she reached across the console to take his hand in hers. “I’m just so tired, I sometimes wish I could have my memory erased, not remember Amy existed in the first place. It’s exhausting being the only one who remembers her.” The locket wasn’t around her neck anymore, but like a phantom limb she reached out to touch it and finding nothing but the skin of her sternum. She flattened her hand across her chest, taking a deep breath. 

“Everyday I have to struggle more and more to remember my little girl’s face, my wife’s face. I’ve already forgotten what they smell like, how their laugh sounds, now their smiles are fading too.” He squeezed her hand. “I’m scared that I soon won’t remember how they look like without a photograph to remind me.”

“I’m scared too, scared shitless.” A family emerged from the McDonald’s, two little girls skipping to the car, both holding those plastic toys that would break before they even got back home, their parents reaching their hands out to absentmindedly squeeze the other’s hand. “I’m scared of forgetting her, but I’m also scared that I’m never going to get to live my life. Get married, have kids… have a normal job again.”

There was the question. Was it better to have loved and to have lost, than to have never loved at all and left wanting? Because, he did know what it was like to get up every morning to a family, and come home in the evening to one. He knew the good parts and the hard parts of it. Though he lost it, his comfort was that he once had it. Never once did he wish he hadn’t. No matter how much it hurt. 

“I don’t just want to alive, I want to live.” Subconsciously she weaved her fingers with his, keeping her eyes on the family that were getting into their car now. It was a beaten up Subaru that had seen better days, but they looked happy anyway. 

“C’mon, let’s go back.” Flynn said, pulling at her hand and away from the family in the parking lot. “I have something I want to give you, it’s in the bunker.” He let go of her hand and started the car again, pulling them away from the parking lot and back to the streets with the fairy lights in hundreds of different colours.

“What is it?” She squinted her eyes at him, but a smile started to form again.

“A christmas present.” He smiled back. “You’ll see when we get back.” She shook her head but humoured him. “I always gave Iris a present on Christmas Eve, that’s what my mom did and I wanted to carry on the tradition with her, so that she could do the same with her children one day.” He paused for a few moments. “I might not have my wife and daughter anymore, but I have you Lucy and… you are my family now.”

“Don’t make me cry Garcia Flynn.” She wiped at her tears but was unsuccessful at keeping them at bay. At least, these were happy tears. “Thank you. But I don’t have a gift for you.”

“It doesn’t matter,” he took her hand in his and kissed it gently, keeping his eyes on the road. “I like to give.”


End file.
